Bright

Okay, yesterday morning was hell, and you can probably guess from the previous night's post what the reason would be for that. My head felt like it had been smashed in with a sledgehammer until around noon.

I dumped the remnants of my vodka down the sink in a fit of reason during the drunkest of my moments. I'd say I'm done drinking, but I've said that before.

I'm not determined to stop, but it's also not currently a big deal.

* * *

I must have done something right recently, because once I got home from work, my day got pretty good. I had a productive conversation with my ex-wife, got to see my son's smiling face, got a food processor, and was e-mailed by no fewer than three women on my dating sites. Three women that I'm not very attracted to, but... I can't complain too much.

It's hope.

Really, I dread having to log on and read the messages and then reply. Especially the reply part. It's something I'm not sure I should even do, but it doesn't feel right NOT to. As much as it sucks to hear someone say that they're not interested, at least I can move on afterwards. When I don't hear anything back, I get rather pissy and the torture just lasts even longer. Is she not replying because she's not interested, or is she just busy?

So, I'm going to reply. I guess.

Fuck this shit sometimes.

It makes me wonder if my standards are too high. And wondering that makes me thereafter wonder if that's even possible. I'm great-big not-attracted to these ladies. Why settle for less than really wonderful when relationships are so much work?

I have all the patience in the world right now.

I'm just worried that maybe I'm missing out on getting to know some great people just because they aren't pretty enough. But the more logical parts of my brain are telling me that I'm right to just keep waiting, even in spite of all the "looks fade, personality doesn't" hullabaloo that I've come to understand over the years.

Anyway...

* * *

I started a painting last night. It seems a bad time to start it, though. First of all, I ran out of fucking white paint. Second, I was going for a gray-and-gloomy look, but I'm not feeling gray and gloomy right now for some unknown reason. I feel almost sky blue, in fact.

I don't know if I'll ever finish a painting. Maybe I'm just not a painting kind of guy.

* * *

I wish that one girl hadn't been so damn boring. She really was pretty cute.

* * *

I'm kicking butt and taking names at losing weight so far. I mean, really, it seems like so little in a way, but considering how much work and dedication it's taken to get this far, it's awesome to be able to see results.

I'm down five pounds in the last three weeks or so.

It's encouraging because it seems like the weight you take off slowly is weight that's easier to keep off.

I've been running and walking on a regular, scheduled basis, and I've been eating like a reasonable person instead of pigging out for almost every meal of the day. I'm also doing crunches at night to try and build some abs. I've always wanted abs. :)

I want some good running shoes, but the stupid running store nearby is not open at any time that's convenient to me. I refuse to buy anything before I go there, though, because it's the only place in the city where they'll watch you run to determine what kind of shoes you need. I'm sure I'll end up paying more there, but I am fairly certain that it will be worth it.